Heartbreaks and 808's...

If you were like me and most black women in their late 20s early 30s, then last week you tuned in to Being Mary Jane on B.E.T. This particular show spoke to my inner being sooo much because I could totally relate. Mary Jane is a successful woman that just hasn't found success in her relationships with the opposite sex. I have witnessed several of my friends in horrible relationships; and I have also witnessed those same friends share vows with the man they'd spend forever with. And then, there's me...I swear I am like the only single friend AKA odd man out. At the age of 31 I wonder if it'll ever be my turn; at least a healthy relationship (where both parties are on the same page). At this age I'm not sure if heartbreak was worse in my 20s or my 30s. I'm leaning towards the latter age because you know that in your 20s you know its game time, but it becomes a sickening feeling when you encounter someone in their 30s, looks good on paper but is emotionally selfish and unavailable. I guess the expectation for love and commitment in your 30s is what takes precedence. You've reached the age where hopefully you know what you like and dislike, worked on your previous issues from previous relationships, and you're looking forward to meeting someone that you're compatible with to actually take it to the next level (I mean who really wants to be lonely). If you all recall last year I joined a dating site after Uncle Rukus and I broke up, and it was entertaining to say the least but 'the getting to know you' phase is the absolute worse for me. All of the dating BS makes me wonder if its really worth it, as much as I love love, a part of me wants to give up on it. But to me love is like air or water, you need it to survive. I'd rather be selfish with other parts of me than my emotions. I am very interested to see how the show Being Mary Jane turns out, based on the clips I seen she'll continue her rendezvous with the married man. As for me, I'll be living vicariously through some fictional character, immersed in a book or a sitcom, waiting until love finds me.