52 Week Savings Update 2

Ok, I admit I slipped a bit with my savings #dontjudgeme. I had to pay for some Avon which was actually a Christmas gift and my savings was the only cash I had on hand. However, we're on week 8 and we should have a total of $36. I am sooo happy that I have my accountability partner (if you don't have one get one) to ask if I put my money. I suspect that things will get easier for us once we open up the joint bank account. Well at least for me because I won't just have cash laying around that I can get to easily. I'm determined to make it to my 52 weeks with ALL of my cash, momma needs a brand new MAC (desk top please). How have you guys been holding up?

You all should have $98 today

Tis the Season (to let go)

It's very rare that I write about relationships on my blog... if ever. I know I may seem like an open book since I blog and make YouTube videos. In retrospect, if you follow me on twitter then I'm a bit open when it comes to dating and the like.

As of now... I've given up dating *sigh*. Yep, no lie. I'm even considering being celibate for the entire 2011. Let's just say... guys get on my nerves!!! However, that doesn't mean that I'm turning to women LoL!!! Since I've been kinda open on twitter I may as well give a thorough recap of my 2010 dating in regard to dating. Here goes...

*High School Musical*

This dude I actually have much LOVE for and decided to give it another try. However, he's in the music industry and I feel like the him I used to know wasn't anymore. I'm definitely sure he could say the same. This 'situation' helped me to fully understand why I prefer not to date guys with a child/children (I'll go into that another day). DISCLAIMER- God has a sense of humor and I just may end up with someone who has a child/children (side eye). I digressed. Long story short, I think he was/is used to chick's flocking to him cause they think his money is long. For me, there was attraction, but just not all the way nor all the time. At the end he stated that I placed him in 'the friend zone' and that's not where he wanted to be. SN: blog about 'friend zone' will be posted soon. Anyways, since he and I have been connected for over 10 years, I know our cycle (so does he). Basically, we stopped talking, he was angry... I wasn't (remember I'm cognitive of the cycle). We recently met up at an event. Who knows what the future holds but right now ummmnn... I'mma have to pass #DUECES

*Booskie (I HATE that word and can't believe I'm using it)*

Met dude on a review site (if you're reading, hi). It's funny how God places people in your life at exactly the right time. I had recently stopped talking to Mr. Y (you'll learn of him later) and really didn't want to be alone for V-day. Booskie actually asked me out for V-day and we had a good time. He also had a child, but this was new and I knew nothing would come from it sooo it didn't matter. We only went out that one time because he had a terrible case of Bitchassness and a little controlling (he's not American, so I think his culture/upbringing played a part). He and I IM from time to time but... it's nothing and want be anything #DUECES

*Mr. YY*

This dude was my EVERYTHING in college and I thought we'd be together forever, however, life happened and that wasn't the case. On Thanksgiving last year I got a little liquid courage and sent him a message on FB. Ever since we'd broken up I always dreamt about him. I have no clue why because I was in a relationship; but I felt something wasn't right with him. The dreams were random in content yet frequent. We chatted a bit and he told me some things he'd never expressed about me as well as his 'rocky' relationship. However, that 'situation' was over before Christmas. The reason why he's on this list here is because he contacted me this year and we started chatting it up again and chilling on Skype. We planned to meet up but things didn't g as planned. That was actually kool because once again, he wasn't the person that I used to love and I'm sure I wasn't neither. When I see his name and number in my phone I shake my head. I can't lie, it felt real good to know that I had the upper hand in the situation; but it really was a been-there-done-that type of situation. If anything would have popped off, it would have only been about 3 letters and that's it (real talk). Basically... #DUECES

*Caucasian Persuasion*

New dude in town. We met because of business. We went out but I wasn't really attracted... too short. However, he was/is very nice and has awesome goals for his life. He ultimately wanted to be a provider for his family and he worked hard. But he wasn't for me... #DUECES

* Mr. Y*

He's probably the real reason I haven't been in a relationship. I've allowed him to come and go as if I'm running a 24 hour diner with a revolving door. But as the saying goes... when you learn better, you do better. Since I've learned, we'll end the piece on his a** right now. He deserves no words, no emotions, and definitely no shoulda-woulda-coulda... #DUECES

*Smoke One*

First dude I was crushing at the 40. Some kinda way we were at a party and was able to talk and eventually chill. Dude had recently ended a long-term relationship. Although he engaged in the medicinal, I was FN attracted to his mind. Yes, even my vain a** can recognize real. Conversation was deep on another level. Thinking about his kisses are surreal (TMI). Anyways, he was fresh out of his relationship so I know how that goes... I-hate-you-but-I-love-you.I guess timing is everything. We don't speak or anything in passing (sigh). I'm still VERY attracted to him but oh well... #DUECES

By this point (mid-year), I kinda chilled but really wanted to get back on the dating scene... so I decided to join match.com. At first I battled with myself because I didn't want to pay. The ego in me was like 'you ain't hard up for no dude to pay $34 a month' (LoL). I wanted to date and wasn't actually doing so by sitting in the house and not out meeting people, sooo... why not.

*Umbrella*

This was the first guy I met on match. He has his stuff together and had a good idea on how women should be treated and how respect should be shown in a relationship. He also had a child in another state but definitely didn't have baby moma drama. We went out a lot... to the point where I actually paid once (Mr. Y really had we spoiled in that regard). Unfortunately, I started to see a lil Bitchassness in him too. He turned things into issues and tried to 'play' on my words. He may have also had a complex with a woman having her sh*t together and not having to ask /depend on the dude she's chilling with. All we did was date and I had to hit him with my classic move... stop calling. I will say out of all the guys (besides Smoke One) he had the best outlook on what a real relationship should consist of (just not sure if he'd put into practice all the way).On a vain note, I couldn't get over the fact that he spoke without opening his mouth. It was like his teeth were cemented together. So you know there wasn't a kiss in sight!!! Funny thing is... dude text'd me trying to get back in last week. All I could think was... #DUECES

*Classified*

Dude and I had one thing in common and I really think it was one thing; we are from the South. He made several dumb comments, to even think he had a high ranking position. Dude said he hadn't had a girlfriend in 10 years. Puzzling thing was, we were both 28. Any chick that has a 10% hope of getting married knows that sh*t ain't right. We went out and he obviously lied on his profile. Dude was shorter than me, granted I had on heels, but damn!!! If you know me you'd know I'd LOVE for my guys to have football bodies. Tall & Thick, LoL. Let's just say... he wasn't any of that. He also had the Napoleon complex. He picked me up when he hugged me and I HATE being picked up. I guess he felt he should have done that since I ended our 1st and only date with 'thanks shawty'. That date showed that it was over for me, but he kept and continues to try to go out with me (he text'd last week). I'll be more mature the next time he text's and respond with... #DUECES

*Sweet Dreams, Beautiful Nightmare*

Thought this dude may have been the one I'd get into a relationship with. He was a year older, no kids, govt. job, family oriented, attended church (so I thought). The only dude besides Mr.Y to hit a home run LoL. Let's just say dude was a classic case of 'a moma's boy, woe is me, and I used to'. He didn't have his priorities together at all. There were things that I noticed but overlooked because I really wanted to be over Mr.Y. Plus, my friends thought I was too critical sooo... I gave him a chance or chances LoL. This dude had the worse case of Bitchassness and was basically drunk off breast milk, because little did he know... I was not that chick. He got an attitude with me for the last time and I at that point, I mean instantly, it was o-v-e-r. He tried... wanted to talk, go out to eat, take me to the OMG tour, but sh*t he lost one!!! Shirt and I was out last week and who comes in the restaurant with a chick. No biggie for me cause I was done. Needless to say we just laughed at them. He actually came to the table to explain that she was just a friend. I was like that's kool. He was like 'you just don't care' and actually... I didn't #DUECES

*Concrete Jungle A.K.A My #1 Fan B.K.A Liar Liar*

Many of you guys wanted to know about him because I referred to him plenty of times on my YouTube channel. Out of all of the guys this year I thought I could relate to him the most. Not 100% sure that he should be on the list since we didn't actually date per se... but he's definitely relevant. We actually met 3 years ago, not sure why he remained in the 'friend zone' because we were very compatible. Long story short, he got a FB at the start of the year and I was like FB ruins relationships. I went to his page and continued to see this chick, I didn't question her until much later. When I did, there was no answer; sometimes the silence lets you know. Needless to say he was talking to this chick that lived out my way, even coming to see the chick and not me (yep that's right). We spoke 2 weeks ago and he was straight lying for 3 years over some stupid sh*t. I can't lie... I was, am, and is beyond hurt. I'm at a place of no return. I lost ALL respect as a person for him (really on some friend sh*t). I am sooo happy that what goes around comes around, and I know he'll get his. I can't lie I'm secretly laughing on the inside (insert Austin Powers laugh). Dude actually text'd me today cause he was the one that put me on to Macy's. I replied 'that's nice, lose my number'. If you're reading this... here's a big F U #DUECES

Lessons Learned in A Minor

*After people show you who they are (character wise) 2 and 3 times, then let that sh*t go!!!

*Some people along with their memories, should remain in the past. They're not in your future for a reason!!!

*Dating guys from different countries doesn't work for me #justsayn!!!

*Don't date anyone from the 40... EVER!!!

52 Week Savings Update

As of right now if you all are following me with the savings plan, Monday should have made week four. Week four means that you should have contributed $4, bring the total to $10. I'll try to check in periodically towards the end of the month to see how every one's doing. For me I thought it was going to be a breeze but I HATE having cash on me and that becomes an issue. However, this is definitely something I wantto accomplish so I guess I just have to do better!!!

And the Winner Is...

So today is the LUCKY day!!! I uploaded all of the names of people who entered from YouTube as well as my blog onto a spreadsheet. Next I went to www.random.org and let them do the dirty work of choosing a winner. And the winner is (drumroll please).

I got the number 186 and the name listed besides it was VIVACIOUS1083

Me being the nosey person that I am had to check it out and see who is was <- I admit I'm totally bad with names. This is one of my FAV chics in the blogosphere. Secretly she's a friend in my head too (still waiting on a NYC invite). But just wanted to say congrats to her. You can send me an e-mail and I'll letyou know the details of the prize.

To everyone else that entered THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! If you have a chance make sure you check VIVACIOUS1083 out here and here.

52 Week Challenge

Recently as I was checking my comments on my Youtube channel, I came across a subscriber. The nosiness in me made me go back to her page and see her videos as well. Her latest video was on a financial challenge. If anyone needs a financial challenge it's ya girl!!! After I watched my subscriber's video I went to the actual link from where she heard about the challenge initially.

Let's just say that this challenge really got me excited. The challenge is relatively easy if you have funds coming in. The most that you'll save at one particular time is $52. Yes $52!!! So because of ll the excitement and joy I had you know I wanted to share this with everyone. The first people that I told were my wonderful co-workers. Then I proceeded to tell my family, friends, and now I'm telling... YOU!!!

Remember earlier I said that the challenge was easy, well it is. Here's how it works. On the first week you save $1. Yes that wasn't a typo, its only one dollar to save the first week. The second week you save $2. The third week $3. Are you starting to get the point here. the weeks coincides with the amount of money you're saving. So at the end/beginning of week 52 the most that you'll save is the $52. I'm not sure if you can actually visualize the savings but at the end of the challenge you'll have over $1300.

My co-worker, family and I started this week on the 8th of November. So by the last Monday of the month we'll have saved $10. You still think it doesn't work... well by the end of next month our money will have more than tripled. We're deciding if we want to save our money in an account to gain interest or not. Since its my co-workers and myself we were thinking about starting an account together where it takes all of our signatures to remove any funds. Then at the end we can split the money with our gained interest equally. Now that's just a thought, but personally I'd like to keep my money in an institution that's not easy to get to.

If you think this is something that you can handle we would LOVE for you to join the challenge with us. The kool thing about the time that we're starting, is that for my readers that have kids (or not) this can actually become your Black Friday shopping money. Afterwards you can start the challenge again in preparation for the following year. However, you can just keep the challenge going and have a nice little savings nest.

Please comment and let me know if you'd like to start. Also, if you know of any tips to save money, improve credit, or any financial support please share!!!

P.S- I also found a list of blogs that could possibly help out in regard with finances. I also have an excel sheet with the detailed amount of savings <- e-mail if you'd like it!!!

Confessions of a Coupon Whore Edition ll

As you all should know Macy's has become one of my little obsessions. I was NEVER a Macy's shopper before, and was kinda aggravated when people were like I shop at Macy's. Just aggravated because I love shopping in general and it's a skill that I succeed at in any store. I digress. Recently, I can truly appreciated the I-shop-at-Macy's attitude become it has almost become mine. This place is like a one stop shop <- well really not really, but you get what I mean. The main thing that I appreciate is how Macy's values their customers.

So... I was super ecstatic when I opened my letter and realized it wasn't a bill but 4... yes 4 coupons waiting for me. It was like the 'coupon God's' heard my 'coupon prayers'!!! I actually received two 20% off coupons as well as two $10 off coupons (go me)!!!



One of the first areas that I check in Macy's is the shoe department. As I've tweet'd before it is sooo hard for me to find shoes in my size (5 1/2). I know a lot of you are side eyeing me right now cause you think that they have my size everywhere which is sooo not the truth. I actually saw the pair below and thought that I really needed this particular color. However, I noticed that the 5 1/2 was actually Nine West. Nine West is a brand that doesn't fit true to size (for me). I've even had issues with the size 5 being too large. Luckily this pair fit semi-great. The straps on the top were a bit loose but I believe a pad in the bottom will take care of that issue. The shoes were originally $89 yet on sale for $44.50, and with my $10 off... $34.50.

Now I really believe that accessories totally pull the outfit together. So you all should know that I have a weakness for anything pearl. The necklace was originally $40 and after my coupon it rang up for $8. What a steal!!!

I guess runner up to my weakness for all things pearl, would be my love and adoration for bows. If you guys took a look in my jewelry box you would think that I don't know what I have . I have bow rings, earrings, necklaces, and etc. I LOVE them, LOVE them. This pair I would categorize as classy. The shape of the bow is more of a classic shape and it has diamond like detailing. I could see myself wearing these when I'm 40.

The last item that I picked up was a pin/brooch. I figured I'd find something to attach it to. Plus I absolutely LOVE the fact that it has a crown and a cross attached to it. Both the earrings and the pin/brooch was around $3.00.

Basically, the moral of this post is... DON'T MISS a Macy's one day sale and have your coupon in tow!!! Let me know if you all have had the opportunity to find a good deal, even better if you had a coupon to accompany it!!!

Contest Time (YouTube)!!! CLOSED

I'm assuming that if you're not following my blog you've been directed her from my YouTube channel. Well welcome if this happens to be your first time!!!

As stated on my channel, visiting this post gives you an alternate way to be entered into my contest. All you have to do is

*subscribe to my YouTube channel <- that's a must

*leave a comment under this post, yep any comment!!!

The winner wiil be drawn randomly, using www.random.com. The contest start today and will run until Nov. 7th. at 11:59 est. The winner will be announced Nov. 15th.

GOOD LUCK and thanks for entering!!!

Randomly Me- Yelp

There's a soft spot in my heart for Yelp. Once I discovered it, it was on and popping. I even got some of my friends and family members to get an account. Whenever I travel, I always try to check Yelp out so that I can see the hot spots from the locals; point of view. Another kool part of Yelp is the built in social networking aspect. You can make 'friend' which allows you to follow their reviews. Ya girl even scored a date from the site #justsayn!!!

Well today on Yelp, I was browsing through the conversation and events section. How the
conversation section works is; someone starts a topic and you can chine in if you'd like to. Today's interesting topic was Haiku Garden- Plant Your Thoughts. Below are some of the Haiku's that I wrote. Please feel free to comment or add any of your Haiku's in the comment section. Let's just say I may have had too much time on my hands *side eye*

1. Two Cups of Coffee

got to have them Everyday

Need a Keurig Soon

2. My toe is broken

and I can't wear any heels

Can't be how cute feels...

3. I need a new toe

have to find one soon

All my heels miss me

4. I hate work today

I work tomorrow too

I hate work that's work

5. Disregard the last

That Haiku was a real joke

Got to keep my job

6. Reggie is thinking

How to write a Haiku too

Five Seven Five FOOL!!!

7. This is my last one

having too much fun with this

Working starts now... BYE

8. Kristin likes Haiku

but will Haiku like Kristin

like a drug addiction? <- From a Yelper to me

9. Haiku's love me too

so we both keep coming back

Fiend needs Haiku crack!!!

10. I am logging off

can't lose my job over this

Failed Haiku piss test!!!

I also wrote some that I didn't post on the site after I schooled my co-worker on Haiku's (he went to DC Public Schools #dontjudgehim). SN- My co-worker brought in a dip that's how the next Haiku came about LoL!!!

11. I don't eat chicken

But I just ate chicken dip

Here comes major shit!!!

12. Some things should just die

Like people wearing lace fronts

Hairline on eyebrows

Now you see that this post was really random, yet VERY, VERY entertaining!!!

Motivational Monday

If you all subscribe to me on Youtube, you know that sometimes on Sunday I do a Sunday Inspiration. I know that I haven't done one in a while but ya know. I'm also like the go to person in my group with the new music and garanteed to make a hott mix. I usually make gospel mixes for my family members so they can have some music to ride to. Here are a few GREAT gospel songs that I have on my playlist that I'd like to share with ya. I'm sure you all can locate them on Itunes.

*Good News- Vanessa Bell Armstrong

*The Lifter- Ted Winn

*Nobody Greater- Vashawn Mitchell **

*Oh How Precious- Kathy Taylor **

*Rebuild Me- J. Moss

*Resting On His Promise- Youthful Praise **

*You Hold My World- Isreal Houghton

*The Great I Am- Earnest Pugh

*I Want To Say Thank You- Lisa Page Brooks

*I Wouldn't Know You- James Fortune & Fiya

*God Believes In You- Ted Winn

*Fresh- Tye Tribbett

*I Believe- James Fortune **

*I Choose Worship- Wes Morgan

*He Wants It All-Forever Jones

**my personal favorites**

Hope you all like the selection!!!

Ain't no 'Shucking' Around

So if you all know me like that then you know that in the future I aspire to be a great cook!!! I want to be the parent that my future kids' friends talk about. You know like I want to go over Mrs. (whatever my future last name will be) house, cause they know I keep the good food. I want to be the type that can throw a great dinner party and not have anything catered. I'm almost secretly obsessed with cooking good. I am forever looking at new recipes that I want to try and I subscribed to Woman's Day because they have the bomb recipes and tips!!! So I guess for starters you'd say that I'd have to cook more. Well there are about maybe a strong 5 recipes that I have perfected (meaning I can make them without the recipe sheet). I am trying, slowly but sure to incorporate a few more. My cousin Pam says that I need to have a staple meal that tastes extra good just in case I need to cook for that special someone (who ever that may be).

So you may be asking how did a girl from the South miss the cooking trait. Well I guess I can say in regards to the kitchen I was a bit spoiled. I really wasn't made to cook anything. Funny thing is ALL of my younger cousins are beast in the kitchen like literally. I usually ask my cousin KK to whip me up something when I see her and lucky for me... SHE DOES (thanks girl)!!! I think sublimely I NEVER wanted to be that wife or girlfriend that did ALL of the cooking. Me and my high school sweetheart would cook together on the George Foreman Grill, well to some that isn't cooking (hey, it worked for us). I remember my first serious relationship in college I tried to make my boyfriend his favorite meal, cubed steak gravy and rice. Let's just say I failed miserably... it tasted like dirt (do not act like you don't know what dirt taste like). Fortunately for me in my next relationship my boyfriend would cook for me!!! I actually got used to that and kinda put in my mind that knowing how to cook would be a specific that I required (how you doin)!!!

Now I know that I won't be spoiled in the kitchen (especially being single) and I am willing to compromise. What I meant by not being the standard wife that cooks is in my perfect head and world I like the cooking to be a shared responsibility between me and my partner. I wouldn't want neither of us to feel burned out.

So on a quest to improve my own cooking habits I've started with some kool tools that would help. One of my co-workers sells pampered chefs. So as I was browsing the catalogue and desperately searching for anything to buy, I found a Kernel Cutter.

Now one meal that I've mastered without a recipe is Fried Corn. I even recorded a video that had me preparing it. Anyone that cooks fresh fried corn knows that it is a hassle cutting the corn with a knife directly off the cob. Last night the tool below saved me sooo much time. I mean it was simply a breeze and easy to use.

Look at how closely the corn was cut to the cob. To me that's the best way to get the corn so that you can also have a little 'milk'. Let's just say that the results were beautiful.

This is how the corn came off the cob. I had 9 ears ad it took me about 10 mins. I've never finished shucking con in that record amount of time!!!

I think from now on slowly but surely I'll be purchasing items from Pampered Chef to jump start my new found cooking habit LoL!!! I've already placed a new order so I'll be sure to keep you abreast of any new recipes!!!

CONFESSIONS OF A COUPON WHORE EDITION I

I must confess I LOVE TO SHOP. But there is nothing more exciting than getting a deal. If you follow me on twitter then you know that I am FOREVER talking about using a coupon. I usually hashtag-> #confessionsofacouponwhore. I am ALWAYS on the lookout for a good deal and ecstatic if I can find a great deal. So why not introduce a little segment which focuses on the coupons that I receive and the items that I purchase.

Luckily an old friend sent me the coupon above in the mail (yes it is that serious). SN- Last week there was a coupon in The Examiner (metro newspaper) that I missed. I bet you're like how did you miss that. I usually read The Express (more trendy/colorful) and not The Examiner (old fashioned layout/dull). I digress. Once I found out there was a $10 off $25 I called and asked my co-worker to take my other co-workers paper out the trash!!! So yes it is that serious. Coupon whoring ain't for everybody... but somebody gots ta do it!!! I usually receive Macy's coupons myself, but I am no where at the level that he is in regard to shopping there. So needless to say he receives a lot of great coupons to entice him to shop more. Honestly I was NEVER a Macy's shopper until I started working there. I just thought they were a huge department store that was expensive. However, in retrospect, they have amazing deals usually weekly. And if you're as great a shopper (as I'd like to think of myself) you'd be able to strategically wait right until your 'item' goes on sale. Then BAMMM hit em with a coupon!!!

Initially I thought the shoes below were cute. The clog is actually the 'it' shoe for fall. I actually put the display shoe on and of course it was waaay too big. From that experience I thought the show was heavy (go figure, wrong size). Once I tried on my size... I just knew!!! The heel isn't too high because the platform is there to aide. So I'm happy to say that that they're comfortable.

So just to show you proof of purchase, as well as the awesome savings. Take a look at the receipt below. And that total is before my employee discount!!! FYI you can also find the shows for the low at Nordstrom Rack and the heel is a darker shade of brown.

Happy Grandparent's Day

Well first off Happy Grandparents Day to all of the Grandparents!!! Finally I was able to call my Grandma at 11:15. I never seen someone sooo busy at 71. I mean never at home always at church or someone else's church program. If you've read some of my previous post you know that I was reared by my grandparents. I stayed with my grandparents kindergarten thru 3rd grade and moved back 6th thru college. Long story short I never knew my life was differnt until I got to college and met more people that didn't grow up the way I did. All I know is my grandma was there to take on the motherly role and my grandaddy was there to take on the fatherly role.

I am sooo blessed to have as many experiences with my grandparents AND great-grandparents in life. I have a very soft spot for elderly people because for a while that was all I knew LoL!!! There were four people in my house grandma, grandaddy, great-grandma and me. Sooo many stories and love was shared with me from an early age up until now. My grandfather was a great provider, unselfish, and totally loved his family. Those are qualities that I look for in my future partner. I still remember the lesson he gave me on my ex in high-school, it really made me see who the dummy was LoL!!! My grandmother has an exuberant faith in God that I too hope to acquire one day. I know that she'll have a seat in the Heavenly choir one day LoL!!!

Although my grandfather is no longer here I value the times we shared and hold each and every memory near and dear. I like to think that me and my grandma have a special bond. I'm the first grandchild and I'm actually nick-named after her too. Each morning on my way to work we talk and she fills me in on the latest in C-town or with my family. It's funny how she knows about all the current events in life from sports, rappers, to hairstyles. We had the funniest conversation on quick weaves one day!!!

I hope that everyone who still has a living grandparent has taken the time to say Happy Grandparents Day or at least let them know how much they're appreciated.

In the picture above my cousins and I helped my grandma celebrate her 50th class Reunion

The Ultimate Temper Tantrum You'll Never Witness

Usually when you think of a temper tantrum, you think of a child and a parent. Usually the child is trying to get their way in some regard. However, I'm referring to the ultimate (last) temper tantrum in life you throw although you won't be around to witness the outcome. This ultimate temper tantrum is SUICIDE.

This year two people that I knew committed suicide. One actually happened today which sparked the blog post. The guy today was over 30, leaves behind a wife, kids and a loving congregation. The other was a seventeen year old handsome senior in highschool, leaving behind a family, friends, and a future.

I think that initially when a suicide occurs, the first thought is 'why'. Why would someone end their own life. The next thought is 'what if'. What if I would have talked to this person, spent more time with them, listened to them, forgave them.

I think that suicide has crossed everyone's mind at one point in time. Whether you thought about doing it and immediately thought the whole act was stupid or know someone who know's someone that did it. I know you're reading this blog like thinking to yourself 'I haven't NEVER thought about it'. Well since this is my blog I'll be the first to keep it 100 on the topic of suicide.

As a pre-teen, I thought about suicide on a regular in regard to one circumstance. My mom was in an abusive relationship and I couldn't understand why she didn't get out and why no one made her get out (keep in mind I was young and had no idea why my grandma couldn't just make her leave). I would say that I was very depressed, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. I felt invisible. What I said didn't matter. In everyone else's eye's I was a child and my moma was an adult, free to do whatever she pleased. In retrospect, being disrespectful/talking back became my defense mechanism. I would wake up for school with blood-red eyes from crying the previous night away. I would never get in trouble at school but I had a hard time at home. I thought about how I'd do, it most likely pills, cause I really couldn't bear the pain of a slit wrist (although it did cross my mind). I thought about it sooo much in detail that I wrote in my diary that I'd leave my cousin KK my barbies. I have no clue what brought me out of that dark place and into the light but I'm so glad that it did or I wouldn't be typing this.

The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression. I personally think that sometimes depression is the silent killer of 'the black family'. If not depression directly and indirect result of depression. For years and years (think slavery) we've been taught to endure and deal with life's roller-coaster ride. I think back and if only I had someone to talk to that wouldn't judge me for the true feelings I felt and allowed me to express myself completely; I wouldn't have been in my depressive state for as long as I was.

I've heard people talk about 'so in so said they need to find themselves' and without two seconds of thought, judge the person as if their feelings were never valid, just something made up. Sometimes the judgement from others on a situation, which resulted from depression or indirect depression is what pushes people over the edge. That's exactly when the Ultimate Temper Tantrum occurs.

Suicide is like the person in the argument that has to have the last word, its the player that say's checkmate, its selfish as well as disrespectful. The family and friends are the one's left to pick up the pieces, bear the burdens and blame, leaving you to wonder 'why' and 'what if'. To me suicide hurts other people more than it hurts the person that actually committed it. It is the biggest F U that someone can't say!!!

In my adult life I have been through numerous heartaches... things that I thought would shake me to my core. But the religious side of me acknowledges that there is someone who let's me cast all of my cares upon him. He allows me to pour my heart out, free of judgement and ridicule.

If you are someone and you're thinking, considering, actually about to perform the ultimate temper tantrum, I ask you to look back and see that this isn't the first time you've had a situation you couldn't get out. Look back and see that no matter how bad the past was, the future can and will be sooo much better if you give it a try and work through whatever it is you're dealing with.

If you are in a suicide crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-8255

Beware of the Deadly Cocktail

It’s rare that I talk about hair on this blog. However I chose the name to embody important characteristics of me. So on Handbags, Hair, and Heels this will be my first time writing about hair per se.

I was totally thinking about going to get my hair straightened last weekend (for my birthday). However, after coming across this article I had to rethink that thought. Because I am a reviewer by nature I went on to read ALL of the comments on the article.

Let’s just be clear, I would be totally livid if this were to happen to me. The article had me replaying my visits at the Dominican Salon (DS) over and over in my mind. I know in ATL I opt for leave in conditioner, it’s usually in the glass bottle and they have to break it. I know I recently stopped getting deep conditioners at the DS because:

*I Condition my own hair well
*I can’t justify paying an extra $5 for the service
*I’m very impatient and don’t want to add time to my service

After analyzing this topic I wondered if any of the women actually smelled the chemicals. I know for those of us hat have had perms you can recognize that smell a mile away. I wonder if the women were sooo much in shock that they just paid and left or did they GTFO. I can only imagine what my original response would have been but I can’t say so for certain because of all of the initial emotions.

I have stated to others that whenever I get the inclination that a hair stylist doesn’t want to do my hair (refer to my hair as too ‘thick’ or suggest that I get a texturizer of some sort) that is the last time that I’m in their chair. Reading this article is definitely making me consider taking my own products with me or going in with conditioner in my head.

I think the biggest barrier exist because there is usually a language barrier. I actually took my Kinky Curly with me the last time and the chic washed it out my hair. That was after I continued to say as well as motion that is should be left in.

Honestly, I’ve NEVER had any major issues (despite the fact that I was turned away before). In retrospect, I take everyone’s comments for what it is. There was one thing that bothered me with the comment section of the article. Some of the women were effected as well as affected but I felt like nobody wanted to put the salon on blast. I mean maybe people haven’t read the comments t update or didn’t want to post names out of respect for the Nikki. However, I highly believe in customer service as well as word-of-mouth business. I guess it touched me because a lot of the women stated that the ‘cocktail’ was done at salons across Md. And as you would have it I frequent a shop in Md. Let me just put this out there, if I came across a shop that practiced that fuckery you all would be the first to know.

I'm actually on a live natural hair chat with Essence at the moment and a guy stated something that stuck with me:

HairManKeith: If stylist don't want to deal with natural hair they have to stop lying to their clients in advance.

Enough said... I hope you too will be open and honest about your upcoming visits to DS and feel free to share in the comments.

A Father After Father's Day

DISCLAIMER- this post was written almost 2 yrs ago but I never published it. Thought now would be a great time since it Father's Day and my Birthday!!!

So I grew up in a non-traditional yet traditional way. I lived with my grandparents from kindergarten until the second grade, then I made a choice to live with my moma third through sixth, and then back to my grandparents. This was not a social service act, just me learning the importance of choices at an early age. I say 'traditional, yet non-traditional' because I had two adults in the home who weren't my biological parents yet, instilled old school values in me.

From day one, my grandfather played the role of my father, spoiling me, picking me up from school, cooking for me and whatever else I may have needed or wanted (okay I admit I might have been spoiled a bit). At an early age it was apparent who would look out for me/take care of me. However as a kid I couldn't understand why my father didn't taking care of me. I was born on Father's Day and I think/thought that I could and am the greatest gift ever.

As an adult the saying 'everything comes full circle' is certainly visible in our relationship. Something that I had to accept, is that there is no 'tried and true' manual on fatherhood, motherhood, or better yet parenthood. Through the years the trials and errors that my father and I have experienced has totally strengthened our bond.

It is totally ironic that my grandfather actually pushed me towards this relationship and it has grown ever since. I know that everything happens for a reason and I believe that God had this relationship in the works so that when my mom passed my dad could resume responsibility as a parent.

I am beyond elated and ecstatic at the dynamic of our relationship of my father and I. I totally feel like we can talk about anything. Although I didn't have the feeling of 'daddy's little girl' I totally feel like my dad makes it up to me in my adulthood. I don't ask for much from him but I totally believe that if I needed him for anything he'd be my biggest advocate.

Although I was born on father's day and still believe that a birth of a child on that day is the greatest gift... my dad became a father, after Father's Day. To John L. Sconiers lll, Happy Father's Day and many more to come from me to you.

Pandora Gets Me Right!!!

So I'm spending this Saturday night chilling, supposedly cleaning up (you know how that goes). I decide to turn on some tunes to set the mood. I turn to my favorite artist channel... Erykah Badu!!! Some of my favorite songs come on and then a few others that are in the same genre. Then I here Zion from Lauryn Hill and think to myself.... what if this was the year of the 'comeback'. Where major soul/neo-soul artist hit the scene again to revive our ear buds. Just listening as I type neo-soul beats are awesome its a shame that nearly none of whats on their Cd's are heard by everyday average 'radio Joe's'!!!

But back to this Pandora ish. I think our channels on our Ipods/computers are a reflection of the many moods that we're in. My channels are so unrelated!!! Funny thing is, with the exception of my Gospel channels I think Rock With You by MJ comes on all of them. That song ALWAYS puts me in a fresh-anything is possible mood.

Now that I'm sitting here typing and thinking I just realized I don't have any channels with female rappers. Hmmmnn, I'm thinking about putting Lil Kim on and seeing what results I'll get.

Well back to Pandora taking me from mood to mood!!! BTW what are your favorite channels??

I Write To Free My Mind

I write to free my mind- Natasha Hardy (my BFF)

I wanted to come back with a bang... boom... pow!!! I wanted a new layout, font, and color but with my 'technical self' I was unable to do so (feel free to help). I know I've directed many a youtube subscriber to come and check out my blog only to find the last post dated early June. I even read comments asking/directing me to write again. Understand that it has ALWAYS been in me to write, its just that I need a way to take what's in my mind out and not have to write/type it. It'll just magically appear (yeah right). I hope this blog actually leaves this paper and make it onto the net (it has).

Basically I'll give you a mini view of what I've been up to:

*moved into my own place*got a part time job*witnessed my best friend get married*spent time with my nephew*learned more about me in regard to independence*learned the importance of holding on and letting go*

So that's what's been going on with me. Currently I'm thinking of a Master Plan (LoL) Really just asking God to lead, guide, and direct me in the way he'd like me to go. That's in regard to every area of my life (finances, career choices, religion, and relationships).

I didn't make many New Years Resolutions this year like last because I realize the only thing constant in the world is change. And each and every day we have breath in our body, activity of our limbs (country saying, right), and a sound and clean mind we have the ability to reinvent ourselves, change, and move into a different direction.

So look forward to to posting more and hearing from you all too. I'm bizzzzaaaack!!!!!

How could I forget to tell you all to check out my youtube page (look to your left and see the lovely videos) and follow me at www.twitter/akakristin Oh if there is anything that you all would like to hear/know/see holla at me!!!