I know I usually don't get too deep into my personal relationship per se. But the chapter in my book with Mr. Coconut has closed. I can't lie my feelings are super hurt but it's definitely no where close to any of the harder things I've faced and yet to face in life.
It's only been a couple of days since its happened and I totally beat myself up over the situation. Questioning and analyzing over and over what I did wrong. I've wasted enough time wondering what he's thinking and waiting for my phone to ring. I mean we just had a good V-day celebration (or so I thought). Truth is, its not about me. Sure I played a part, but the pieces we both played with, did not complete the puzzle. This is actually the first day that I haven't used the excuse that my 'allergies' are acting up. By tomorrow, I'll be over the tears and happy that I only wasted months and not years. My best friend asked 'Did you learn a lesson' well yes I did. First I'm only dating americans with american parents (jk I kid I kid). The lesson that I learned is that I can give my all in a relationship. Meaning that I can love/like unselfishly, and put the the other persons needs before mine. Some can't say that. I also have no issues with communicating wth my mate, however, when they shut down its safe to say that the course has been run.
I honestly had a feeling something wasn't right for the past 2 weeks and tried to discuss it, but hey, his mind was made up. The biggest lesson in this is knowing exactly what I do and don't want. Just as a reminder and to keep me from being EMO in days to come, I'll list a few I need that were missing:
*I need a mate who accepts me for me, Flaws and All
*I need a mate that doesn't run at the first sign of an issue
*I need a mate that knows the difference in having a discussion and having an argument
*I need a mate that may not be into my hobbies, but since they're into me, they're supportive
*I need a mate that has a relationship with God, and can pray for me as well as us
*I need a mate that understands the no judgement zone
All wasn't bad with Mr. Coconut he had a few qualities that I'd like my next beau to have and the main one was a No Deal attitude in regard to cheating. I knew upfront that if that were the case, it would certainly end with no second chances. I have had relationships where I stayed with a cheater and didn't value myself. But because I saw Mr. Coconuts value in himself, it taught me to have that same attitude.
Please know that I definitely won't be rushing into another relationship. I'm going to fine tune the one I already have with God. He sets the standard. His love comes with no risks of betrayel, its readily available at anytime. It is also not based on feelings or emotions but on a commitment to His word. His love NEVER fails. His love is the pattern from which human love is based. The more we duplicate it, the more we resemble Him (click here).
I am sooo lucky to have ride or die friends that listened to my many sobs and cries and told me that he wasn't worth it (and all the other stuff I needed to hear). One of my friends even asked if I wanted her to flatten his tires (lol, I did not oblige). I really thank all of them!!!
Although I'm hurting now, this too will pass. Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. Simply put, Love suffers long, and puts up with people that it is easy to give up on.