Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I LOVE Being Happy- Unfortunately, I'm Not In a Good Place

                                                                                      Too bad they only survived for 3 days

As much as I wanted to write consistently this month that.did.not.happen. I really wanted to stay on task writing about all the things I LOVE. I'll be the first to say that February usually isn't the best month for me. However,  I don't think I can blame it on the month all together this time. I actually haven't been in a good place since last year to be honest. Usually when I get sick, I fall off a bit and that (back to back tonsillitis) happened around October. But this is different. I say I haven't felt like myself since August, maybe even before. The issue is, I a not happy with my current work situation. I mean to be completely honest, I HATE IT!!! Yes, this is one thing I can honestly say I HATE and actually mean it. I mean everything about it, the type of work I do, salary, environment, and especially Caroline (if you're an Outkast fan you know the connection)!!!

I know that I'm not at work all day. But face it, I'm there 40 plus hours and it is totally draining. I often sit and imagine jobs/positions that I'd be great at. And before you state why-not-apply, the answer is I have been. Honestly I have both feet and one elbow out the door and at anytime Caroline can kick/lie the rest out. My feelings on this are sooo much deeper than what I've written, but primarily this is what's been holding Kristin back from being Kristin.

I think last week was one of the hardest weeks thus far. The anniversary of my mom's death, work drama, and Whitney Houston's death. Of course I'd planned on writing about them individually but I got into a serious rut. I mean serious. I was 'overly' emotional last week and cried at the drop of a dime literally. I know that things will get better but I'm just not sure when. Honestly, if I didn't live alone I would have walked out (before having a Project Patricia moment). I truly would have been the epitome of a hoodrat and totally burned a bridge. Yes, its that BAD. I could go on, and on, and on...but I won't.

When I heard about the death of Whitney Houston, I thought and hoped it was just a lie. If you're on Twitter (as I am, follow me) you know that Twitter kills off celebrities everyday. I actually made my cousin check TMZ to verify what he'd read and yes it was true. I was totally shocked and shortly afterwards the news stations were broadcasting the news as well as playing famous records of hers. Later in the week I can say that I was deeply saddened to the point my BF had to make me stop watching the coverage. What hit home for me is that now Bobbi Kristina will be a motherless child. I'm almost 30 and know how much I'd like to call my mom and consult with her on the little things. I can only imagine how an 18 yr. old that had a super close mother/daughter bond will be able to handle it. I wasn't able to watch the Homegoing service in full (because of work) but I did catch bits of pieces of it from YouTube. After watching several specials remembering Whitney I was emotionally drained. I do plan on listing a few of my FAV Whitney Houston moments as well as songs a little bit later this week.

R.I.P to my Moma as well as Whitney Houston

I HATE the fact that I missed out on posting about my BF and my 1st Valentines day as well. Let's just say I expected more. If you know me I can be a bit whinny/bratty/spoiled at times. He surprised me with a dozen roses delivered early that morning (although I'm a tulip type of girl). It was sweet though, especially because I'm the only person that's not married in my area and... the ONLY one that received something. I knew that we weren't going to spend the day together because we both had to work and our shifts are complete opposites but I thought we'd have a romantic dinner this past weekend. Let's just say that didn't happen. But I can't complain, Valentine's is just one day, luckily I have a guy that shows how much he cares for me whenever he's around. We did however, enjoy facials and massages on Sunday which were FAB.

I am looking forward to a better week and trying to think a bit more positive in regard to my work situation.



I totally understand where you are coming from. I just lost my mom two months ago,and when I heard Whitney passed I cried for her daughter, because I am grown and it hurts not to have my mother, and this girl is only 18 without her mother. I hurt for her.

Jeff Hardy said...

interesting post. Now you can use these buyers trade leads to promote fashion bags import & export business.

Pam said...

Some seasons are harder than others. Remember you have a praying grandmother ;) and host of other people in your corner who are praying God's best for you. Your dream job awaits!I love that you were as honest as you could be in this post. Here's to better times ahead.

emily said...

sorry you're struggling with some things right now, keep your head up! love your blog!
xo emily


Mrs. Pancakes said...

Just found your blog! Was sad about Whitney...hope thungsvtunnsriud soon!

LaLa Deon said...


Special K said...

@Journee- I think I said this on your blog as well that no one knos the feeling of losing a mother until it happens to them. It bothers me just to think about the immense amount of pain/stress she might be going through

@Jeff- Thanks fr reading

@Pam- You are crazy, but I got a praying grandmother. A song by her came on the radio when Chante and I were together and I was singing it hard as Ev-vah!!! I was this the lady that sings I got a praying grandmother and we both fell out laughing!!! You are definitely right that some seasons are harder than others and I'm wondering if I am missing a lesson that I need to learn.

@Emily- Thank you for reading my blog. I was up last night reading yours. It's sooo cute, bright, and girly (all the things I like)I definitely need a new lay out so I may be reaching out soon.

@Mrs.Pancakes- Thank you for reading my blog as well. I was reading yours the night before last. I LOVE seeing people happy and truely in love (gives me hope). I think that my cousin @Pam would really enjoy your blog as well.

@LaLa- Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouraging words. I haven't read your blog yet but after I post know that I'll be over.

Ashley said...

I can relate to some extinct. I know this is an old post & I hope you're in a better place. I too expect a lot from a s/o at times & certain events. Have you looked into a different job or moving so that you're doing something you love? You may have touched on this topic, I just came across your blog via Instagram :)
I wish you the best!