Monday, December 1, 2008

Christmas Just Ain't Christmas...

So today is the first day of a month that every kid is  sure to be excited about. I'm not a big fan of Holiday's well... up until about 3 years ago I totally was (another story for another day). However I am a definite fan of Christmas music!!! I've waited 11 whole months to pull out my Christmas c.d's and just play them. Its a shame its not a year round sound!!! So for the next 25 days I will be posting on a title of my favorite songs (if the PROCRASTINATION bug does not kick in).

Since my "another story for another day" ties into the title, I may as well speak on that. The song by The O'Jay's goes.. Christmas just ain't Christmas without the ones you love. That speaks volumes to my overall opinion of Holidays. Up until 3 years ago I loved to be home for the Holidays, spending time with my family, laughing, eating, and just having a good time. But three years ago I had 3 deaths in my immediate family which were back to back (in 10 months). That pretty much took its effect on me and... things were just different, a home full of laughter, love, warmth; would sometimes become a quiet, cold house. I remember not wanting to go home for Christmas in '05 because I had taken my Grandfather's death really, really bad to the point of an internal breakdown. But I felt the constant urge of something/someone pushing me to go ahead and be with my family, that was also the last Christmas my moma and I would ever spend together. 

Three years later and I am so far removed from anything that resembles... Holiday Cheer (now that may not be the word I need to use but, you get the picture). I don't know if I need divine intervention from Denzel's character in The Preacher's Wife or what? Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas if I didn't make any prior obligations I would really just stay in bed and sulk. It's like I put myself in this tiny box so that I don't... feel. To those of you that know me personally, I am not depressed or anything, I'm sure new memories will come and give me back the Holiday Cheer I once had, this is just my personal outlook. 

Christmas just ain't Christmas,
Without the one you love,
New Years just ain't New Years,
Without the one you love

P.S- Really though, when you listen to the song it has a crunk beat where you actually can't be sad!!! 

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