Last night (I should say this morning around 1ish) I was very emotional. I felt like I was missing something, not sure if it was my moma but just missing something. Fast forward to later on today and I realized (thanks to cuzzo's FB) that today is the 6 year anniversary of my Granddaddy's death. I'm not sure if I've ever spoke about this on my blog or not but #Godeeper. When my Granddaddy passed it was a Tuesday morning, I was away in college so I forgot who called to tell me, but that was the day when I lost a piece of me. I actually knew a couple of weeks that he was going to pass but I just didn't know when. I remember being at home the Sunday prior to his death and even though he wasn't feeling well he was still trying to take care of me. He had already given me gas money but he called me again to give me some extra money. As I think about my grandaddy I see so many characteristics of him that I'd like my future husband to have:
* Family oriented
* A real man
I learned sooo much on how a woman should be treated through his grandaddy's actions as well as his response to my boyfriends. Although I wasn't my grandaddy's biological child I always knew I had a special place in his heart. He even told my line sister that I was his granddaughter, but he thought of me as his child. Every time I think of that story I get super emotional.
I'll be the first to tell you that after my grandaddy passed I was an emotional wreck. The following weeks were more than enough proof that I needed grief counseling (still do). It was the first death in my immediate family that I'd encountered as an adult. Devastated doesn't come close to the overwhelming amount of emotions I experienced. I was trying my best to hold it together for everyone else, all along, losing it on the inside. To this day I have trouble being at my house (grandparents house) alone and I definitely can't stay overnight by myself.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just to have one last day to savor with ALL of my family. I know that I have tangible memories but its #notthesame. Because I LOVE and miss my grandaddy sooo much I've vowed to name my #future son after him.