Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I'll Be Missing You

Last night (I should say this morning around 1ish) I was very emotional. I felt like I was missing something, not sure if it was my moma but just missing something. Fast forward to later on today and I realized (thanks to cuzzo's FB) that today is the 6 year anniversary of my Granddaddy's death. I'm not sure if I've ever spoke about this on my blog or not but #Godeeper. When my Granddaddy passed it was a Tuesday morning, I was away in college so I forgot who called to tell me, but that was the day when I lost a piece of me. I actually knew a couple of weeks that he was going to pass but I just didn't know when. I remember being at home the Sunday prior to his death and even though he wasn't feeling well he was still trying to take care of me. He had already given me gas money but he called me again to give me some extra money. As I think about my grandaddy I see so many characteristics of him that I'd like my future husband to have:

* Honest
* Hardworking
* Family oriented
* God-fearing
* Loving
* Giving
* A real man
* Fair

I learned sooo much on how a woman should be treated through his grandaddy's actions as well as his response to my boyfriends. Although I wasn't my grandaddy's biological child I always knew I had a special place in his heart. He even told my line sister that I was his granddaughter, but he thought of me as his child. Every time I think of that story I get super emotional.

I'll be the first to tell you that after my grandaddy passed I was an emotional wreck. The following weeks were more than enough proof that I needed grief counseling (still do). It was the first death in  my immediate family that I'd encountered as an adult. Devastated doesn't come close to the overwhelming amount of emotions I experienced. I was trying my best to hold it together for everyone else, all along, losing it on the inside. To this day I have trouble being at my house (grandparents house) alone and I definitely can't stay overnight by myself.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just to have one last day to savor with ALL of my family. I know that I have tangible memories but its #notthesame. Because I LOVE and miss my grandaddy sooo much I've vowed to name my #future son after him.


DIVA Style Threadz said...

wonderful story and more great memories that you hold in your heart for your grandfather. I had a very special bond with my grandfather he died when i was around 7 or 8 so i didnt fully understand what was happening, but he was the sweetest man that i ever had in my life we did everything together! I miss him and how i wish he could see the woman i have become and see my son, he would really enjoy being around my son and my son would love my grandfather. That's why i have realized that it is so important to cherish the people in my life cause life slips away so fast. Be strong my sister God is there for You and he will comfort you when you feel sad. Take Care, Be Blessed, just knowing that you had that special bond with your grandfather everytime you think of him should make you smile.

Posh Culture said...

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Guess at the end of the day we just have to be grateful that we were fortunate to have such wonderful people in our lives. From your post you can tell your grandfather was a great man.