Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What God Has For Me, It Is For Me

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed? I'm sure you have, I think it's safe to say that we've all experienced a day (or more) like this. Let me be the first to tell you today was that day for me. And it all started with a dream. If you're an avid reader of my blog (and you should be) you've heard me recount dreams before. Well this dream involved Mr. Y. Yes, the infamous Mr. Y aka AS*hole. Just to give you a lil background story I saw a FB status that had his name on Sunday and it made me feel some type of way. Granted, I haven't spoke to him since October, yet seeing his name made me cringe to the point that I had to send my bff a text and basically vent. Honestly the FB status wasn't really anything. It's just for me outta sight outta mind. And although I didn't actually see him physically the mere mention of his name said he still exist; in the world and maybe a piece of my feelings since I was sooo thrown off by it. Okay, let me bring it back lol. I woke up this morning and realized that I dreamed of Mr. Y and I was heated. In the dream he stated that he was marrying an ex that he had proposed to previously. I am not sure if any of that is true because I don't have a 'street committee' in the area that I used to live in. I'm also not interested in finding out any other information concerning who he's marrying and when they are getting married.

I feel like if there was an Godervention (think intervention) then I may have been upset for the entire day. The first song that spoke to me was by Beverly Crawford- It's About Time for a Miracle. Now that particular song spoke because usually when I'm having a bad moment at work I stop and take a praise break and it really puts me in a better mood. for me it was Jesus saying snap out of it. It kinda loosened me up a bit. Now if you've ever heard the song then you know exactly what I'm speaking about. This particular song makes me want to be C.O.G.I.C. I swear I want to get out my car and do my own lil 2 step for the Lord.

Next, as if God was a passenger in my car Encourage Yourself by Donald Lawrence came on. This was confirmation that HE was right there with me and although these feelings may be small to anyone else he knew my heart and exactly where I was coming from. This particular song took me over the edge because right in the midst of Mr. Y and my issues I would always play this song. I mean right at the epicenter of my hurt and pain this was the song that I continued to listen to over and over. I mean this song really brought me out of a dark place and it came on. Honestly that right there kinda took my mind off of the situation.

I text'd my bff and told her about the dream and she suggested that I contact him because there are clearly unresolved issues. In my mind there may be... with me but clearly he has already moved on. And also, what would the convo be like, 'so I heard you're engaged/married'. There is really no where to go from there, because it is what it is and after the convo ends he'll still be engaged/married.

I can't lie to you, I beat myself up (I'm super, super hard on myself). I started thinking about past relationships in which I felt like I set the dude up for the next chick. It was only until later in the day that I decided to listen to Beverly Crawford again (the song mentioned above). I just wanted to hear it cause t really gets me crunk. Well somewhere after the many clicks on youtube another song on the sidebar spoke to me. That's the video that I embedded. This song speaks to me overall. Sooo many times I/we get caught up in the 'haves' as well as the 'have nots' that we forget that God is still in control of each and every situation in our lives. I often say that I got everything I wanted exactly when I needed it. Not to make it seem as if God is some type of genie in a bottle because he certainly isn't to me. What I'm trying to say is that when I look back over my life he has always provided. At the end of the day, whatever (or whoever) I'm supposed to have I'll have, why, cause it's for me.


Pynkstarr said...

I always enjoy your posts chica but this one made me tear up a lil. I guess it touched me in a different way or something. Anyhoo. I love your blog. God bless. Dominique

Special K said...

Thank you sooo much for reading. Trust me while it all was going on I wanted to tear up too. I'm happy that someone can feel where I'm coming from :-)