Thursday, February 3, 2011

Am I THAT chick before THE chick?

So last night I found out that Mr. Y is getting married and I actually found out by DoubleTrouble (I’ll tell ya about him later). I don’t know how I felt about it, but in retrospect I was getting signs all along that maybe that was about to happen. Once again I don’t know how I feel. I had that feeling like I wanted to cry or make myself cry but really why? I think that the thing that got to me the most is that I feel like that chick your with before the chick that you end up marrying. Yep that really got to me. If you read my tis the season post then you probably pick up that I know/knew Mr. Y isn’t for me but damn, what/who is?

It is really funny how I’m beginning to open up about my personal experiences especially relationships. I started this blog as a way to cope with moving to a different city and it became an outlet of some sort to me. But really I’m very private, especially when it comes to relationships. And when it comes to Mr. Y, he’s totally off subject. Even when I found out last night I was reluctant to even mention it to my BFF. I ended up text’n her and she asked if I wanted to talk (that’s major because she has a newborn and we don’t have weekly phone dates anymore). Of course I said no and pushed my feelings to the area where it will only be brought up if I do it (hint, hint… don’t-ask-won’t-tell).

So you may be assuming that I'm making a big deal and this may be the first time that its happened. But no, case in point:
 
- Mr. YY- started dating a chick and became engaged to her
-Boy Next Door- got this chick preggars (after we made a 'no pregnancy' pact, maybe lame), sometime after the baby they got married 
I kinda just ended there but I could go on, LoL!!!

My friend put it into perspective tonight as I was telling her. I basically prepped him and he married the
next chick. But then again, did I really prep him? After telling my cousin, it became more evident and clear. He was not the one for me and I am not the one for him. If we just 'kicked' it in October and now he's engaged I think its safe to assume that he cheated on his fiance. And really, would I want to be with a guy, marry him (he's cheated and will continue to cheat) for the sake of saying I'm married. No deal. I just think the part that gets to me is not being given the chance.  Or asked the question. Or been held in that regard of love. *sigh*
 
I have no clue who the chick is, what she looks like nothing; and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not into the let-me-see-what-she-looks-like-I-look-better. No need to compare or anything because to me I'm ONLY in competition with myself and that's in regard to ANY chick. Funny thing is, out of all my ex's that have done me wrong I continue to pray for them. My prayer is that they can be the man God wants them to be. Honestly,every guy that has done me wrong has come back and apologized, and I'm certain he won't be different (just not sure when, LoL). Looking at how things that have happened to and for me, I know that whatever God has for me. it's for me. I'll get what's suppossed to be mine exactly when He's ready. So maybe, its not me actually prepping dudes to marry another; but God prepping me for the type of love he speaks about in 1 Corinthians. #Realtalk I do have a lot to learn in regard to those verses especially patience!!!

7 comments:

Pynkstarr said...

You're right about being patient. It's hard when you are like really into a guy then something happens where you don't work out. Then they have a baby or get engaged. Even married. I used to think like why wasn't it me. But now I thank God I'm not with that person because the man for me is going to 100% better than the last. I thought I was the only one who prayed for people I used to date. GL on your journey of love. I'm rooting for ya! =)

DIVA Style Threadz said...

Hey Special K, your name says it all you are "Special" and one day some man is going to realize that and you will have the Love that you want and deserve in your life. God is doing all the weeding & separating right now so be patient. I know its hard i have and am still there. You know you are right when guys do you wrong in relationships they always come back to apologize. I recently had someone come back and apologize to me not that i was looking for it but he found me on facebook and sent me a friend request at first i wasnt going to accept it because of the way he treated me long ago (Now i know i should let by gones be by gones) but i didnt deserve what and how he treated me (I guess at that time i wasnt pretty enough and he was looking for something else) anyway i accepted his friend request. We got to sending messages back and forth long story short he has gone through alot of medical issues in his life he was married now divorced 5 or 6 kids not sure if it is with the same woman (not that it matters) but in conversation he told me that he wished he would have had his kids with a better woman. Also he told me that i was beautiful and he wished he would have realized that 25yrs ago (now to me that was an apology without saying the exact words Im Sorry for the way i treated you 25yrs ago) It blew my mind cause i certainly wasnt expecting that, but God moves on the heart of people and they have no choice but to do what he told them to do. I still talk to him on facebook and in my heart i pray for him cause he is still going through some medical issues and i just cant be mad or not forgive him. I know you dont know me but i will be praying for you that GOD will send the right man for you! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

I feel just like you..and I always feel like I'm the only one in the world that feels that way..Sadly I have the tendency to call myself a "place holder" when I'm talking to guys (I NEVER tell them that..but that is what I call myself in my head). I on;y do that because no matter how wonderful the time I spend with the guy or how much he says he cares for me..he always ends up with someone else that's not me. But later on down the line they realize that the person they left me for wasn't for them.

But there is someone out there for you..

Special K said...

First off, thank you all for reading and especially commenting. Its great to see the opinions of others and see that I'm not the only one going through the-chick-they-never-marry syndrome (totally stole that from my friend).

@Pynkstarr- Patience is a virtue that I've yet to master but I'm definitely working on it and not willing to just take any guy thanks for cheering me on!!!

@DIVA- Thank you so much for the prayers. My BFF Tasha has always told me that you can not build your happiness off of someone else's pain. And not that I wish bad on anyone but usually the facade ends just as quickly as it started!!!

@Anonymous- Instead of thinking of yourself as the place holder think of that guy that didn't deserve you in that regard. He's just holding the place of who God really has for you. Gotta turn that negative into positive!!!

Pam said...

I like what you are saying here. Remember, "As a man(or woman) thinketh, so he is." So I caution you and your faithful readers to be positive in your thoughts. I do believe that what God has for you is for you. Mr. Y may have been a good dude but not the good dude for you. Remember good is the enemy of best. God knows what is BEST for you. I have hope that your Boaz will come, when God has prepared both of you for each other. Love ya!

Cnortorious said...

OMG I am the same way ever seen Good Luck Chuck?

Cnortorious said...

I am the same way you must watch Good Luck Chuck