Monday, February 7, 2011

Things Learned While in Virginia: Friendship

For a while I've been contemplating starting a series about things I've learned in Virginia. Plus, since I'm flirting with the fact of relocating, all the more reason. If you're an avid reader of my blog, then you know that the transition here in the beginning was not easy for me. EVERYTHING was different, as if I should have expected anything less. I wanted to pick a certain day of the week to post this particular subject, but I'm random and really hate restrictions (within reason). So I'll just post randomly... you know... when I get that feeling. Tonight... I have that feeling.

I guess the first lesson that I learned was a course in friendship. There's no need of looking for friendship when true friendship isn't loss, yet can ALWAYS be found (yep I think you all better put quotations over that one, I said it, all my words).

In regard to this post, I think its very relevant to tell you about my BFF's. My first is Tasha, we've been friends since 9th grade (yep over 14years #gettinggrown). Although I can count the amount of times we've actually hung together outside of school on my hand, we are completely in sync. What I LOVE the most about my friend is she's NON-JUDGEMENTAL. She's seen it all and been through a lot, yet she still remains to be level-headed and open minded. I can tell her anything without reservations and know that she will always have my back. My second best friend is Shemeka. We met our freshman year of college and were roommates for about 3 years. Shemeka is a challenger. She makes you want to do the right thing at ALL times. She's no angel, but ALWAYS wants you to be your BEST you and ALWAYS give 100%. This is my friend that will call me out on BS. She's made me examine myself and actually recognize my flaws (and do something about it).

A special mention goes to my cousin Pam, who's also my friend. She's usually my go-to-person. Since she's older, she has great advice and see's things from a totally different perspective. It's funny that we met after my mom died and we instantly clicked. She will totally give it to me how it T-I-S, no preservatives, yet plenty of additives.

So back to my lesson learned. When I moved here almost 4 years ago I had two friends that were here already. One chick I was friends with from high-school and the other from college. Strange thing is, I introduced them and I guess they became BFF's afterwards and little ole me was out of the picture.  What-had-happened-was (long story short) my college friend invited me to her church and we took a day trip to NY. Somewhere on the subway, the three of us begin to sing a harmonious melody lol. Next day at church it was brought to the pastor's attention. At that point we were called out (which I hate because I'm seriously shy when it comes to singing) and we performed Tonight by Excape impromptu in front of the congregation (yes, I had a problem with this). After that everyone was encouraging us to sing at some program they had next and deep down on the inside I didn't want to do it. However, that day they came to my place and we practiced a few songs. That was the first and only day we practiced, not another. So the Saturday before the program there was to be another practice but ya girl (yep me) had a datey date, and couldn't make it. I felt like since I didn't make it to their second practice and had no clue what they were singing I would not be a part. Needless to say I didn't attend church the following Sunday and after that the next events begin to spiral downhill. I would call my college friend and she wouldn't answer. Then I'd call my high-school friend and asked if she'd talked to her and she'd say yeah girl I just got off the phone with her or tell me something minor in regard to their conversation. This happened several times before I was just like enough is enough and the shit-hit-the-fan.  Now, my BFF Shemeka usually won't side with me or tell me to give something another try before I write it off. After hearing several stories about what happened she was like naw dog that's wrong and sided with me. That's when I knew it was right and that the friendship couldn't be resolved. But oh ye of little faith... I actually sent out an e-mail trying to resolve whatever issues we had (college friend and I) although I didn't know exactly what they were. I wanted to talk to college friend one on one but when she came over who did she bring... yep high-school friend. They tried to hit me with the ole okie doke. Long story short we ended with her inviting me to a Kappa party within a few weeks, but the harsh reality is, that was the last time she spoke to me. I still attend the church and I see her and her daughter and I still speak to her child but the mother has yet to say a mumbling word. As far as high-school friend, there are some people that are people pleasers, I do not fit into that category, yet, I think its safe to say she does. I've even tried to make amends with her and we would plan on hanging out (especially since 'our' friendship was the foundation of their's) but whenever the time came around, her roommate's child always had a birthday party (there have been so many birthday parties I'm not sure how many kids the said roommate has). However, we're cordial, you can find her commenting or liking a many of my FB statuses but I would NOT classify her as a friend, just merely an associate (for lack of a better word).  So my first year in Va was hell!!! I hung out with no one and tried to find other avenues to channel my creativity such as this blog. I educated myself on all of the BEST places to shop (and get a deal). And I learned a lot of GREAT restaurants because of the numerous dates I've had. The hardest thing was trying to find a hair stylist without having that word of mouth confirmation.

With each of my BFF's so far we've been lucky to have only one altercation (verbally of course). And each time it was because of miscommunication. I also think that it was God just strengthening our bond so that if the time ever presented itself where we needed to lean on the other, we were only a shoulder away (plus a lot of frequent flier miles, LoL).

I blog and make YT videos so often I'm privileged to meet new people and sometimes we hang out a few times or several times. But if I allow someone into my personal space, my inner circle (where the weave of fabulous begins to unravel, LoL), I think that you have attributes and qualities of a good, true, loyal friend. Pam and I were talking a couple days ago about a women's conference she attended. She said that the speaker said that your friend should be able to tell you what they like/love about you and what area's could you improve upon (Pam if I'm wrong correct me). That question/statement is sooo deep especially if you've encountered friends that discard a friendship easily when their feelings are unintentionally hurt.

After my mom's death my outlook on life and especially forgiveness became so different. We only have a few days on earth that God allows us to take residence, rather than lose a friend over nothing, make the most of it. I can only imagine the hurt and pain that my mom's friends experienced after her death or the hurt and pain my Grandma experienced after losing her best friend. To have something happen to my friend(s), after not accepting an apology, or sweating the 'small stuff' is just ludacrist to me. At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes, we just have to know how to right the wrong.

With that being said, I've learned to value friendship. Friendships, as does relationships, have their cycles. Ships (friend/relation) have to be constantly worked upon if they are to sail life's treacherous sea's. Once you pull back or give up you're bound to sink.


To my tried and true friends, the one's who know how to accept me for me, call me out when-you-think- I-think my sh*t don't stank, the one's that can just say my name with a slight variation of tone and I understand that an IA (instant attitude) adjustment is needed... THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!!!

8 comments:

Pam said...

Girl, you got me feeling a little emotional(teared up). Thanks for the love. I feel like you are my lil sis. I do love you like a sister too. Believe it or not, sometimes, I do hold back on my opinion. LOL. I recognize your maturity in this post and I am feeling like a proud mama. Friendships require work and sometimes we really need to ask ourselves if the person is worth the energy and effort. You are making your way here in Va. I know it hasn't been easy but the life lsessons are always going to serve you well. Looking forward to the nest post!

Kanesha said...

I love this! its beautiful how God always sets you up with the people you need, and weed out the folk who aint worth the time!

Special K said...

@Pam thanks, its been great going through things together, LoL!!! :-)

@Kanesha Thanks for reading. You are sooo right. As my grandma would say, God ALWAYS has a ram in the bush!!!

DOUBLE_D said...

"Ships (friend/relation) have to be constantly worked upon if they are to sail life's treacherous sea's. Once you pull back or give up you're bound to sink." Wow! I love that quote anyone who can't or won't be friends with someone who realizes this may not be worth having a friendship with. I have no friends,but if I lived in VA you would HAVE to be a friend of mine just off the fact that you realize what it means to be a friend and what it takes to maintain friendship.

Arica said...

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marvey said...

Girl you need to write a book..I'm new to your blog and i really enjoy it...

marvey said...

You need to write a book...

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