Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Life, I Wonder...

Day 6 of Blogtember is to post a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

My life took a turn in 2005 when my grandfather got sick. It was like everything was good, and then it was not-so-good, and then it was bad. I've probably stated on this blog numerous times how much my grandparents on my mothers side mean to me. They were practically like my parents and I was their youngest child. I remember hearing that a friend of mine grandfather had recently passed and at that exact moment a feeling came over me like what are you going to do when your grandfather pass. I fought hard to push that out of my mind although I knew that it was going to happen and happen fairly soon. I remember visiting him in the hospital with my cousins and grandma; we were sitting on his bed watching TV and laughing and joking. The next thing I know the doctors came in and made us leave; although my granddad was having a good time he was also having a light heart attack. A couple weeks later my grandfather died at home. It was one of the worse moments in my life. The guy who made me feel like a daddy's girl, the one who engraved in my head over and over about not dating a sorry ni**a, the one who picked me up from high school, the first man that I loved was gone. It was a very tough pill to swallow, I was going to be graduating from college in a few months as well as my younger cousins graduating from high school, and he'd promised us all he'd make it to the graduation. There were sooo many events that was going to take place that year that we needed him to be there for, but I guess God needed him more.

For me, the time afterwards was a downhill spiral. I almost didn't graduate because I completely messed up the calculations on my senior project. I turned down a job (that was offered to me before graduation) because I didn't want to leave the state and be away from my family. When I say that I was depressed, it was a total understatement. My ex (high school musical) came and stayed with me at my apartment for a week just to make sure that I was OK. But after he left, I knew I wasn't OK; I was just alone with my thoughts.

If that weren't enough, 6 months later my great-grandmother died. And 5 months after that my mom was killed in a car accident. Typing this now all seems surreal, like did all of that really happen to me? It did, within 11 months my life totally changed and sooo did I. I went through every emotion associated with death. I felt like someone just took pieces of me away from me. I wasn't the same Kristin anymore, I was hard, numb, and angry. Everything happened sooo quickly and nothing was ever the same again. I often wonder where I would be and who I would be had none of those things taken place. At the age of 31 I long for a mother/daughter friendship that I'll never have outside of the dreams where my mom comes to visit.

The thing that I'm learning about life is that it keeps going, and while you're here you just have to be able to keep up with the turns...

1 comment:

Teronda said...

This right here!!!==>"At the age of 31 I long for a mother/daughter friendship that I'll never have outside of the dreams where my mom comes to visit."<==Totally relate!