52 week Savings Update 4

We're at the end of yet another month and yep its that time again. If you're also doing the savings plan, today you should have $156. What I plan on doing this week is pulling that amount of money out of my savings and opening up an account that's separate and only for that reason. As I type I keep the goal of what I'm going to use my money for. Although the end result will be a big pay off I really want to see if I can be disciplined to really save over a period of time that it may eventually become a lifestyle.

It's Official !!!

Over the weekend your girl got certified to become a Zumba instructor (insert applause). This was actually on my goal list last year but fell off (there's a upcoming blog about goals soon). I started doing Zumba as soon as I joined my local gym here in '08 I believe. I'll be the first to tell ya that I'm-no-dancer!!! What I LOVE about myself is that I may start out as the underdog. But once I see what it is that I want, I aim for it and achieve it.  I remember not being the best at drill team in highschool, but the next year I was captain and won local and state championship. I also remember not being the best at stepping (at all, thin line from being cut) but one year we competed with just 3 people, I was one of them and we came in first place (Charlie's Angel's). In a nutshell, I'm saying that if I put my mind into accomplishing it I'm sure that I will succeed. I don't have an issue catching on to the routine in Zumba, it just takes a minute for me to have that flawless finish (since I'm not a dancer).

 As soon as I took the class I just knew that it was something that I'd enjoy and began to tell my family members as well as friends about the class. The Zumba instructor that I had I really enjoyed her positive upbeat attitude. For me the thing with Zumba is to have an awesome instructor. After my previous instructor left without warning the wasn't the same (sad face). Every instructor's background is different so there are certain styles of teaching.

So you may be thinking... what is Zumba? Zumba is the only Latin-inspired fitness program that blends red-hot international music, and contagious steps to form a 'fitness party'. If you're looking for a class click here . There are actually 6 types of classes: Zumba, Zumba Gold, Zumba Toning, Aqua Zumba, Zumbatomic, and Zumba in the Circuit. I'm definitely looking at getting more certifications under my belt, but I'll take it a step at a time.

Although I'm certified to teach, my plans are to see if I can find my previous instructor and see if she'll be my mentor (crosses fingers). I'm going to study my material (music) as well as continue to attend classes and see if I can get on a sub list. I've spoken with a guy at this gym in my neighborhood specifically for Zumba but I think his operation might be a lil 'suspect'. If he opens a new time slot I wouldn't mind it. But being the hustler that I am, I'm  going to try to work out a lil something something at the 40. Special shout out to my cousin Dmitri for congratulating me on my 'hustlers ambition'.

I am super excited about this fitness program (like ecstatic). I'll definitely keep you all informed especially when I get my own class, as for now its learn, learn, learn. If you all are in my area and interested in attending a class, I plan on taking a 3 hr. class on Sunday. Two piece will be on deck and fitting right (minus a lil booty meat) for Viva Las Vegas!!!

BTW- do any of you have the Zumba game? I bought it last week but haven't had the time to play it. What are your thoughts?

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope that everyone had an awesome Valentine's Day. I knew before hand that there would be no #boo in my future and fully accepted that. I found a very interesting read this morning and posted it to Facebook:

Today is a day to celebrate Love. Love of yourself, love for life, for struggles, for everyone in your life, for who is IN your life as well as love for who is OUT of your life. If you're single, today is a great day to celebrate your freedom and embrace even more courage to be more open, more loving and more curious about love.


I felt like that was something that everyone could use. I remember last year being pressed to have a Valentine/date, etc. But this year I was totally opposite, I was just like blah. Honestly, the few text that I received this morning were enough for me. Valentine's Day is a great day to show people that you love them but I'd rather that your love be shown everyday!!! In the words of 3000- Everyday's the 14th!!!


OAN- Sweet Dreams Beautiful Nightmare asked me out to dinner and I obliged but there's no going back!!!

I'll Always Love My Mama

5 years ago I lost my mama to a car accident. I wrote about my mom on my blog in 2008, however 5 years marks a huge milestone. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her or wish that she was here with me. Over the past 5 years I truly know the meaning of feeling like a 'motherless child'. There are times when I want to talk to her about nothing, just random days while I'm sitting in traffic. There are also days when I need to have her support and be my #1 cheerleader.

Her death kind of numbed me in a sense. I have a lot of sparks inside but it definitely took a piece away. I remember getting wearing makeup each day so I wouldn't cry (didn't want to mess it up #vain). I know that I pushed a lot of people away but it was/is sooo much to handle. I developed major anger issues, major. The best advice given to me (that I wasn't open to receive) was to take grief counseling. I passed this advice to one of my closest Sorors and I know it works. At times I feel like I should still take grief counseling for a bit of closure. I still can't go nor drive by the cemetery (I go a total different route).

I dream of my mama all the time. I remember being mad when I first moved to Va because she hadn't come in my dreams for almost a month. But when she did, we acknowledged me being mad. I can say that the dreams certainly make me feel better. It's confirmation that she's always with me.

There were times when I tried to rationalize if I'd feel better had she been sick and died rather than leaving sooo unexpectedly. But death is death is death (I'll have a post on that later). The lesson that I took from my mama's death is forgiveness. I spent sooo many years being mad at her for a choice that she made and never really had a chance to talk about it to move on. Although I've forgiven a lot of people for some f'd up things my biggest challenge is having not forgave my mama. I blame myself because I know at the time she passed I was mature enough to 'have the conversation' and didn't.

5 years later and I won't say it gets easier, but as the song goes everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before. I'm not sure how I'll handle other life milestones without her being there but somehow I know I'll manage. To all of my friends/family members that thought about me today I really appreciate it. I keep a lot of feelings/emotions bottled up. Today I tried to avoid the subject in general. I usually won't talk about 'my issues' unless I bring them up. But the words and kind thoughts of others did not go unnoticed.

Got Kids and Drama? Do Not Apply

I’m sure that most of Urban America tuned in last night to The Game. Well if not, I did, and just to recap Derwin lied to girl Melanie about his whereabouts; while all the time he was playing house with Janelle. Yep, basically that’s it, because the rest of the show to me was a bit irrelevant. But last night’s episode had me thinking about why some single women (without kids) choose to date single men (without kids). Looking at this from The Game's perspective, Derwin was all wrong from the start. In regard to his past with previous women, he should have had the baby tested himself, even if it was for his wife’s peace of mind. If you guys are true fans like me, then you remember the chick that wanted to trick him into pregnancy with the turkey baester. What happened last night was a prime example why I prefer to date men without kids.

In my previous post (Love Is You) I spoke about chatting with a friend from college. As I stated we were compatible and though I’m not a fan of long distant relationships, ya-just-never-know. I didn’t mention to you all then but dude also has a child. So in our quest of getting to know each other on another level, I asked what happened between him and his last chick (not the baby moma). His answer was that she had an issue with the relationship with his baby moma. At that point an alarm went off in my head because I could see how that could also be an issue to me to. So I begin to explain things to him from a ‘single woman who has no kid’s’ point of view. First thing first, the child is NEVER the issue… ever. Some guys try to make it seem as if single women without kids (SWWK) don’t want the man to spend time with their kids, and that’s not it. If you’re not with your child’s mother there needs to be a clear, definite separation. If you’re going to spend time with the child, for me, that does not include frolicking at the home with the child’s mother. I asked him a very direct question: Are you there eating dinner as a family? He gave me an answer but it wasn’t really clear. I went on to reverse the roles and ask how would he feel if I had a child and my child’s father came by to ‘play’ with our child but every now and then he’d eat dinner with us. Not a good look. Let’s just say after we had the conversation from a SWWK point of view he was hot. That was our first ‘spat’ and his got-in-his-feelings. But you know as the saying goes ‘a hit dog will holla’. As I learned more about his previous chick, I learned that she also shared my opinion.

In the past I’ve dated a few men with kids and I can’t categorize them all because some have their ish together in regard to baby moma drama or basically how to handle a new relationship when a child is involved. When I dated High School Musical I knew that we would have issues if we ever got into a relationship. I remember once his child’s mother said she needed $1200 so that she could get their child a new bed (at the time the child was 5). Funny thing is… dude was really pressed to give it to her. Here I am, the chick he ‘claims he wants to be with’ but as soon as I had a logical opinion he got all in his feelings. I swear dudes can be total EMO. I explained to him candidly that if we were married that ish would not fly… at all. No, I’m not saying that you can’t provide for your child financially. What I’m saying is that your child’s mother can’t call out the blue and expect $1200 for a child that already has a bed. Bunk beds don’t even cost that much. I’m almost for certain that his baby momma would have had a new bed if it weren’t for me blocking!!! In retrospect, I’ve dated other guys and there weren’t any issues. The guys as well as the child’s mom were co-parents. Their relationship was done, over, finished and everyone involved knew it.

I hope this post doesn't seem like I'm trying to call out baby moma’s, but like Pam said in one of our many conversations, either party can set the tone of the relationship. Jenae made a great point. I see it all the time where the ‘baby daddy’ will lead the child’s mother on and she believes there is some sort of hope for them becoming a family. Last night on the show Derwin acted as if Jenae was his wife especially when he allowed her to drink from his cup as he grilled while she frolicked around in a bathing suit. The point where he joked on girl Melanie, that was just it. Funny thing is… I don’t remember seeing the child in that scene (maybe I overlooked him).

If you're the 'baby mama' still allowing your child's father to come in and out of you life to 'play house' look in the mirror and tell yourself...I Deserve More. The next time you have to encounter him, let him know how the new 'child centered' relationship will go. Let him know exactly what you'll allow and what you want. Explain that you all's relationship is over, it's time for you both to stop wasting each other's time and move on to people that will truly complete you.

If you're the 'baby daddy' don't continue to play games with your child's mother. Make sure that she's clear that the relationship is over. Let her know that you'll do the best you can at being a great provider and father to your child. If you have a girlfriend explain and show her so that she understands that she is your women.

I'm not saying that I'm totally against men who have kids, but I prefer those that don't. I guess at the end of the day the choice has to be made by both parties that a relationship can be sucessful if both parties work at it. As soon as I see any signs of drama, whether its the child's mother playing games or the dude trying to have 'the best of both worlds' (that's a term Concrete Jungle used) I'm gone!!!

The Ring didn't Mean a Thing... Or did It?

This month I really wanted to focus on things surrounding love and as you see with my previous post, I get a little side tracked so to speak. But I just let-HIM-use-me, LoL!!!. When I first moved to Virginia most of the European people I knew wore these rings. They had two hands holding a heart, very different, yet cute. Even a gay manager of mine wore his with pride and eventually told me the meaning. The ring that I'm speaking of is a Claddagh ring and below you can read exactly what it means (taken from Wikipedia).

The Claddagh's distinctive design features two hands clasping a heart, and usually surmounted by a crown. The elements of this symbol are often said to correspond to the qualities oflove (the heart), friendship (the hands), and loyalty (the crown).

Claddagh rings may be used as friendship, relationship, eternity, engagement, or wedding rings depending on the intention of wearer and, in the case of a gift, of the giver. There are three traditionally accepted ways of wearing the ring which may signal someone's relationship status:^[1]

1. When worn on the right ring finger with the heart pointing to the fingertip, the wearer is free of any attachment.

2. On the same finger with the ring turned around, it suggests someone is romantically involved.

3. When the ring is on the left hand wedding ring finger it means the person is married or engaged

When I saw the ring in Avon for $19.99 I knew that meant it was time to buy. Plus another kool point is that the ring is sterling silver. Unfortunately the ring was on sale 2 weeks ago and once I got mine the new book shows the price higher. Let me know if I put you on to that new new or if its a style that you're currently rocking!!!

Things Learned While in Virginia: Friendship

For a while I've been contemplating starting a series about things I've learned in Virginia. Plus, since I'm flirting with the fact of relocating, all the more reason. If you're an avid reader of my blog, then you know that the transition here in the beginning was not easy for me. EVERYTHING was different, as if I should have expected anything less. I wanted to pick a certain day of the week to post this particular subject, but I'm random and really hate restrictions (within reason). So I'll just post randomly... you know... when I get that feeling. Tonight... I have that feeling.

I guess the first lesson that I learned was a course in friendship. There's no need of looking for friendship when true friendship isn't loss, yet can ALWAYS be found (yep I think you all better put quotations over that one, I said it, all my words).

In regard to this post, I think its very relevant to tell you about my BFF's. My first is Tasha, we've been friends since 9th grade (yep over 14years #gettinggrown). Although I can count the amount of times we've actually hung together outside of school on my hand, we are completely in sync. What I LOVE the most about my friend is she's NON-JUDGEMENTAL. She's seen it all and been through a lot, yet she still remains to be level-headed and open minded. I can tell her anything without reservations and know that she will always have my back. My second best friend is Shemeka. We met our freshman year of college and were roommates for about 3 years. Shemeka is a challenger. She makes you want to do the right thing at ALL times. She's no angel, but ALWAYS wants you to be your BEST you and ALWAYS give 100%. This is my friend that will call me out on BS. She's made me examine myself and actually recognize my flaws (and do something about it).

A special mention goes to my cousin Pam, who's also my friend. She's usually my go-to-person. Since she's older, she has great advice and see's things from a totally different perspective. It's funny that we met after my mom died and we instantly clicked. She will totally give it to me how it T-I-S, no preservatives, yet plenty of additives.

So back to my lesson learned. When I moved here almost 4 years ago I had two friends that were here already. One chick I was friends with from high-school and the other from college. Strange thing is, I introduced them and I guess they became BFF's afterwards and little ole me was out of the picture.  What-had-happened-was (long story short) my college friend invited me to her church and we took a day trip to NY. Somewhere on the subway, the three of us begin to sing a harmonious melody lol. Next day at church it was brought to the pastor's attention. At that point we were called out (which I hate because I'm seriously shy when it comes to singing) and we performed Tonight by Excape impromptu in front of the congregation (yes, I had a problem with this). After that everyone was encouraging us to sing at some program they had next and deep down on the inside I didn't want to do it. However, that day they came to my place and we practiced a few songs. That was the first and only day we practiced, not another. So the Saturday before the program there was to be another practice but ya girl (yep me) had a datey date, and couldn't make it. I felt like since I didn't make it to their second practice and had no clue what they were singing I would not be a part. Needless to say I didn't attend church the following Sunday and after that the next events begin to spiral downhill. I would call my college friend and she wouldn't answer. Then I'd call my high-school friend and asked if she'd talked to her and she'd say yeah girl I just got off the phone with her or tell me something minor in regard to their conversation. This happened several times before I was just like enough is enough and the shit-hit-the-fan.  Now, my BFF Shemeka usually won't side with me or tell me to give something another try before I write it off. After hearing several stories about what happened she was like naw dog that's wrong and sided with me. That's when I knew it was right and that the friendship couldn't be resolved. But oh ye of little faith... I actually sent out an e-mail trying to resolve whatever issues we had (college friend and I) although I didn't know exactly what they were. I wanted to talk to college friend one on one but when she came over who did she bring... yep high-school friend. They tried to hit me with the ole okie doke. Long story short we ended with her inviting me to a Kappa party within a few weeks, but the harsh reality is, that was the last time she spoke to me. I still attend the church and I see her and her daughter and I still speak to her child but the mother has yet to say a mumbling word. As far as high-school friend, there are some people that are people pleasers, I do not fit into that category, yet, I think its safe to say she does. I've even tried to make amends with her and we would plan on hanging out (especially since 'our' friendship was the foundation of their's) but whenever the time came around, her roommate's child always had a birthday party (there have been so many birthday parties I'm not sure how many kids the said roommate has). However, we're cordial, you can find her commenting or liking a many of my FB statuses but I would NOT classify her as a friend, just merely an associate (for lack of a better word).  So my first year in Va was hell!!! I hung out with no one and tried to find other avenues to channel my creativity such as this blog. I educated myself on all of the BEST places to shop (and get a deal). And I learned a lot of GREAT restaurants because of the numerous dates I've had. The hardest thing was trying to find a hair stylist without having that word of mouth confirmation.

With each of my BFF's so far we've been lucky to have only one altercation (verbally of course). And each time it was because of miscommunication. I also think that it was God just strengthening our bond so that if the time ever presented itself where we needed to lean on the other, we were only a shoulder away (plus a lot of frequent flier miles, LoL).

I blog and make YT videos so often I'm privileged to meet new people and sometimes we hang out a few times or several times. But if I allow someone into my personal space, my inner circle (where the weave of fabulous begins to unravel, LoL), I think that you have attributes and qualities of a good, true, loyal friend. Pam and I were talking a couple days ago about a women's conference she attended. She said that the speaker said that your friend should be able to tell you what they like/love about you and what area's could you improve upon (Pam if I'm wrong correct me). That question/statement is sooo deep especially if you've encountered friends that discard a friendship easily when their feelings are unintentionally hurt.

After my mom's death my outlook on life and especially forgiveness became so different. We only have a few days on earth that God allows us to take residence, rather than lose a friend over nothing, make the most of it. I can only imagine the hurt and pain that my mom's friends experienced after her death or the hurt and pain my Grandma experienced after losing her best friend. To have something happen to my friend(s), after not accepting an apology, or sweating the 'small stuff' is just ludacrist to me. At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes, we just have to know how to right the wrong.

With that being said, I've learned to value friendship. Friendships, as does relationships, have their cycles. Ships (friend/relation) have to be constantly worked upon if they are to sail life's treacherous sea's. Once you pull back or give up you're bound to sink.

To my tried and true friends, the one's who know how to accept me for me, call me out when-you-think- I-think my sh*t don't stank, the one's that can just say my name with a slight variation of tone and I understand that an IA (instant attitude) adjustment is needed... THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!!!

Am I THAT chick before THE chick?

So last night I found out that Mr. Y is getting married and I actually found out by DoubleTrouble (I’ll tell ya about him later). I don’t know how I felt about it, but in retrospect I was getting signs all along that maybe that was about to happen. Once again I don’t know how I feel. I had that feeling like I wanted to cry or make myself cry but really why? I think that the thing that got to me the most is that I feel like that chick your with before the chick that you end up marrying. Yep that really got to me. If you read my tis the season post then you probably pick up that I know/knew Mr. Y isn’t for me but damn, what/who is?

It is really funny how I’m beginning to open up about my personal experiences especially relationships. I started this blog as a way to cope with moving to a different city and it became an outlet of some sort to me. But really I’m very private, especially when it comes to relationships. And when it comes to Mr. Y, he’s totally off subject. Even when I found out last night I was reluctant to even mention it to my BFF. I ended up text’n her and she asked if I wanted to talk (that’s major because she has a newborn and we don’t have weekly phone dates anymore). Of course I said no and pushed my feelings to the area where it will only be brought up if I do it (hint, hint… don’t-ask-won’t-tell).

So you may be assuming that I'm making a big deal and this may be the first time that its happened. But no, case in point:
 
- Mr. YY- started dating a chick and became engaged to her
-Boy Next Door- got this chick preggars (after we made a 'no pregnancy' pact, maybe lame), sometime after the baby they got married 
I kinda just ended there but I could go on, LoL!!!

My friend put it into perspective tonight as I was telling her. I basically prepped him and he married the
next chick. But then again, did I really prep him? After telling my cousin, it became more evident and clear. He was not the one for me and I am not the one for him. If we just 'kicked' it in October and now he's engaged I think its safe to assume that he cheated on his fiance. And really, would I want to be with a guy, marry him (he's cheated and will continue to cheat) for the sake of saying I'm married. No deal. I just think the part that gets to me is not being given the chance.  Or asked the question. Or been held in that regard of love. *sigh*
 
I have no clue who the chick is, what she looks like nothing; and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not into the let-me-see-what-she-looks-like-I-look-better. No need to compare or anything because to me I'm ONLY in competition with myself and that's in regard to ANY chick. Funny thing is, out of all my ex's that have done me wrong I continue to pray for them. My prayer is that they can be the man God wants them to be. Honestly,every guy that has done me wrong has come back and apologized, and I'm certain he won't be different (just not sure when, LoL). Looking at how things that have happened to and for me, I know that whatever God has for me. it's for me. I'll get what's suppossed to be mine exactly when He's ready. So maybe, its not me actually prepping dudes to marry another; but God prepping me for the type of love he speaks about in 1 Corinthians. #Realtalk I do have a lot to learn in regard to those verses especially patience!!!

52 Week Savings Update 3

Ok, ok, let me be the first to admit... I am SUCKING at this (please insert sad face and booing noises). I think the main thing is,  I HATE having cash around me. The goal of my co-workers and I were to put the money that we saved by the second week in Jan. in an account <- let's just say that didn't happen.

Funny thing is... I'm some of my co-workers accountability partner in regard to working out however I need you all to hold me accountable in this regard. Starting next Monday I am going to get back on track and have the total amount that I'm suppose to save available. Actually, I don't even have the total amount we should have collected. That last statement was very sad, but please believe that I will get it together because I have faith as well as a goal to get a new Mac after the savings plan. I will definitely be back to tell you the total amount of money we should have. More than likely I'll edit below in a different color. If any of you are interested in the spreadsheet, please leave your e-mail and I'll get that sent to you.  The only way that we're going to do this is together sooo.... HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE. You can reach me here, by e-mail, or via twitter.

I Nailed It

If you know me you'd know I hate polishing my nails. I hate when you smudge your nails right after you've painted them. I hate when they start to chip and I don't know how women find the time to do them. So for the past season I've been painting my nails. The funny thing is I ALWAYS buy polish but hardly ever use it. The reason for my post today is because I actually tried a new nail product and a few of you Youtubers were interested. I found this product as I stalking Youtube and was excited to try it. Just to show  you guy my nails

I tried this out on Friday and although I'm right handed, my left hand turned out a lot better. I will say that after the first time using the product I know what not to do now. Do not look too closely because you will see where I had issues applying. I say for $8 and a 3 step process it totally beats out real minx!!! So what did I actually use you're thinking...

I bet you thought it was Minx... gotcha!!! I used regular ole trusty Sally Hansen. The product is Salon Effects and you actually get a salon effect. The design that I chose was Houndstooth but Walmart has plenty to choose from. I think I won't to try the leopard print, lace, and the glitter options. As I mentioned earlier it was pretty easy to apply. All I did was shaped my nails with the with the file that's provided in the box (the hot pink side). Afterward, I pushed my cuticles back. And next I smoothed my nail surface with the grey side. And swiped my nail with nail polish remover, then applied the houndstooth strip. After applying you shape the remainder polish of with the light pink side. I know you're thinking polish... yes the strips are actual polish. I've only had the polish on for 2 days now and I think the true test of time will happen tonight when I wash my hair. 

I can feel a bit of the top portion pulling a bit, but its because I put bigger strips on my teeny nails.

I can't lie I was feeling myself a bit, so I decided to do my toes too, LoL!!!

 

So I put the houndstooth on my big toe and painted the rest fuchsia. Just in case you're wondering there were extra strips in the box <- I'm not sure how many but I used 2 additional on my toes and gave one to my cousin. All in all you guys should try the product too and let me know what you think.